Gearing Up for Vacation

Today was my last day of work before I'm off for the next 10 days!  I think I got everything done that I needed to.

I hope I did.

Today was arms day!  I was still sore from Tuesday's arm workouts, but I pushed through today and got it done.  I have to say that I'm very proud of myself, and that's okay to say.  I wanted to lose 5 lbs. before I left for the beach, and I've (officially) lost 3.  I may get to 5 during my trip.  But I'm okay that I didn't reach 5 lbs because 1) 5 lbs is hard to lose in 2 weeks the healthy way, and 2) I lost weight and didn't gain before.  So, I'm heading off to swimsuit city with my spirits up!

The workout today was difficult for me-- and the funny thing is, it's not even the weights that are hard.  It's the mile on the treadmill.  I know a mile isn't very much at all, but come .4 or so in, my legs are SCREAMING at me, "What are you doing?!  Stop moving!  Get off this devil machine!"  You'd think that by week 2, they would have gotten used to the abuse by now.  But maybe it'll just take me a little longer this time to get strong.  I have always fought my leg muscles while walking or running a lot, but never to this extent.  I guess I'll just keep pushing through and stretching and icing.  :)

I'm going to try to post while I'm at the beach, but I'm not sure if I'll have WiFi access (and typing long things on the iPad is hard for me to grasp).  If I don't get to post, please don't leave me!  Keep checking back for updates!

Goals at the beach: swim or walk each morning (will depend on if we're staying has easy access to walking), eat lots of fruit, have lots of fun, and take lots of pictures! :)

I hope to see you guys soon!! :)

Anniversaries, Falls, and Weigh-Ins, Oh My!

Happy Hump Day, y'all!

What do you want to hear about first?  My weigh-in, you say?  Okay!  I lost 2 more pounds this week, bring my total with Ben to -3 in two weeks, and my overall total of -35 in 2 years and 10 months.

Today is my two year anniversary with the boyfriend.  I met Billy on April 30, 2012.  We started dating on May 28, and on May 31, I broke my foot.  He joked for a long time (until I got off the crutches and out of the cast) that he knew me longer broken than whole.  I just have to give him such a shout out because he is such a supportive part of my life.  He is always the first to tell me that he would love me at any size, and also be the first to tell me that I can do anything I put my mind to.  He says he is proud of me all the time, and that really lifts me up.  He may not like what I make for dinner (the healthier things), but he eats it anyway.  He doesn't mind if I can't come home for lunch (when he's not working) because I'm going to the gym (he probably likes that part too much), or if I have to stay an hour after work to work out.  He still pays attention to me when I'm going on and on about how many calories I've eaten and how many I've burned and how many I have left and how many carbs are in this or that.  He comforts me when I cry when I look at myself in the mirror, and he'll tell me I'm beautiful (even with mascara running down my face) when I feel the ugliest.  He loves me with bad breath and bad outlooks and spazzy moments and in times where I don't even want to get out of bed because I feel so fat and bloated.  We are very different people with different interests and backgrounds, but for some reason, we work.  We bring out the best in each other, and I always feel beautiful with him.  And he always says he is proud to have me on his arm.  So that's my two-year shout out!  Thank you Billy for always believing me and loving me no matter what!

So what did I get myself for my anniversary?  A bunch of cuts and scrapes!  I was running late for work this morning and was rushing out the door and down the steps.  I fell on the sidewalk outside the house (a fall that was only broken by the sandwich I made for lunch) and scraped myself up pretty badly.  I knocked a chunk of flesh from my toe, which really hurt.  I was too worried about if I'd be able to complete my workout today with my toe feeling awful, but I did!

Well, let's back up.  Yesterday's workout was the standard 2 mile bike warm up and 1 mile treadmill.  It was arm day, so we did chest/shoulder press and the row machine.  My mile was the fastest it's been in a long time, clocking it at 17:01!  My back, arms, and chest are sore.

Today, I did my mile in 17:28 with the marred foot.  Upped the weight to 50 lbs. on the leg raises (I'm starting to understand my legs are pretty strong).  Overall, it was a great workout!

I realized something while I was on the treadmill: You can't keep doing what you've always been doing and expect different results. Isn't that called insanity?  Anyway, food for thought.

Change is shown on the outside, but it comes from the inside.

Memorial Day Weekend

I hope everyone had a relaxing Memorial Day weekend!  I know I did-- I did nothing productive but eat an entire watermelon.  That's gotta be a record, right?

There's a produce stand about 10 minutes down the highway from my town that has the BEST watermelon.  It was $8 for a large one, and I ate almost the entire thing.  At least it's full of the GOOD sugars and carbs!

And I can't say anything official yet since tomorrow is my weigh in day, but I think I did really well this weekend and will see some positive results tomorrow!

Today, it's back to working with Ben.  I've been "lazy" these last few days (but not in my eating!!), so it'll be good to get back into the gym.  I'm flying solo on the workout today, but I'm alright with that!  I'll get back with my workout buddies tomorrow.

Today, my co-workers took me and another colleague out for our birthday lunch.  I ate a salad from the salad bar, chalked full of protein from ham and sunflower seeds.  I got full about halfway through the meal, so I stopped.  No need to over-indulge.  That's the one thing I'm REALLY focusing on-- only eating until I'm full.  I remember times when I would eat so much I literally couldn't move.  Then I went through a spell where I would barely eat anything because NOTHING sounded/tasted/looked good at all.  I think I'm finding a balance in that.  I leave room in my diet for snacks mid-morning and mid-afternoon, but I normally don't eat them because I'm still full from breakfast or lunch (and that's a testimony to what I'm eating, not how much I'm eating).

No matter how hard I try, I keep comparing this experience to when I first started my weight loss journey.  A new trainer with new methods and really focusing on nutrition.  Last time, I paid attention to what I ate and how fattening/caloric it was and tried new recipes to adapt to this lifestyle.  Now, I'm paying more attention to what combination of foods I'm eating throughout the day.  That seems to really be working well for me.  For example, I wanted to eat some pretzels this weekend for a snack.  Pretzels are a carb, so I paired it up with peanut butter for some fat so it'll break down slower and give my body a chance to burn it off instead of storing it.  That type of thing.  Ben is really knowledgeable about how certain foods and/or combinations of foods react in the body.  I just keep that type of stuff in my brain, and go one step at a time.

This is a BIG week for me!  Tomorrow, I weigh in and have my two-year anniversary with Billy! <3  Friday is my 29th birthday, and Saturday we leave for Nags Head, NC for a week.  I'm super excited about everything on that list, but I'm most excited about running (literally) into my 29th year with my health as my top priority.

See you tomorrow for my weigh in results!

I Gots the Hurts

I.  Am.  Tired.  My body is physically worn out, but that's okay!  Ben told me to always keep things positive, so I'm okay with how my body is feeling.  At least it's responding to what I'm doing to it.

Today, we did our normal 2 mile warm up on the stationary bike and moved into our leg workouts (because all the treadmills were full).  We did 40 sumo squats with a 4lb weight that we pushed above our head when we came up.  My right knee really likes to pop when I do that, but there's no pain at all.  Then we did our hamstrings and quads on machines, 35-45 lbs, 25 reps (holding the last rep 10 seconds).  These definitely got better for me compared to how I performed Tuesday.  They were easier, and I controlled my movements better.  I felt the burn, and I liked it!  Then we did our mile on the treadmill.

Well, crap.

At about a quarter of a mile in, the muscle that runs down my shin bone (mom, what is that called?) started aching so badly.  Ben had me drop my speed down a few notches, so I finished my mile in 18:39 (the same time as when I started the Biggest Loser last year...ish).  I pushed through the pain, and by .75 in, the soreness was starting to work itself out. Now, I'm just very sore.

Water, water, water!

Doing so well on eating the last couple days!  I went Krogering last night and picked up most of the things on the list I gave you yesterday.  I'm also very proud to say that even though there are chips and cookies in the house, I have no DESIRE to eat them!  They're only there for Billy's lunch every day.  Definitely a test of will power, and I'm WINNING!

Last night, I made bun-less turkey burgers topped with sauteed red peppers, with chunky applesauce and green beans.  It was 360 calories, and it looked like this:

It was so yummy.  Billy ate his with toast, mayo, and A1 and made it into more of a hamburger.  He likes healthy food, but like me, he loves the carbs.  I can see me cooking dinner will be a challenge for him now, with all the healthy options I'm utilizing.  That's okay, he'll have to get used it!  This is just a chance for him to become a little healthier, too.

My favorite part of this whole journey?  Knowing I'm inspiring someone else with what I'm doing.  That's the coolest thing.  I've always wanted to be an inspiration to someone-- glad this is how it's coming to fruition.

Tomorrow, we are on our own for working out, but we're not skipping!  We're getting in our 2 miles at the Riverwalk before the long holiday weekend (which I hope is full of lots of fishing!!)

I'm seeing this all around me, and within me, too.  On the treadmill, on the weight machines, in the food diary... going so far only to give up because you "can't do it."  Two things.

1) Melissa always taught me to never say, "I can't" in the gym.  It's not a good mantra to have in life, and it's a terrible one to have in the gym when you're battling a life-or-death situation.  "I can't" puts invisible limitations in your mind that your body will listen to.  Fitness and health is twice as much of a mental battle as it is a physical one, and I 100% agree with that.  If you're on the treadmill (like I was today), and your feet and legs hurt (like mine did), telling yourself that you can't finish the mile will most likely translate into you NOT FINISHING YOUR MILE.  But, if you tell yourself to keep going and that your body is capable of finishing, guess what?  You'll probably finish.  And be all the better for it.

2) Don't take this meme to the extreme.  If you're really in pain and really hurting (like the kind of hurt associated with an injury and not just a tired body), then stop.  There's no need to prove to yourself or anyone else you can do the workout despite being injured.  That's dumb.  But, if you take this meme at its most basic level, it's telling you: "Don't quit.  You're already sore and sweaty and tired.  You might as well get something out of everything you've put in."  That's my take on it, at least.  And think about it, if you push out those last 5 reps and go until you burnout, you're doing the most good in those last 5 reps that you did the first 20.  That shaky, sore, and lifeless feeling you're fighting is building strength and endurance that will help you do 5 more the next time.  You're putting the work in-- why not take it for all its worth and reap the benefits?

Unless you're injured, keep going.

One Down, One Hundred to Go

Today marks a week since I've been back at it.  I've lost one pound!

Yesterday was leg day, but we started out with another 2 mile push on the stationary bike and a mile on the treadmill.  The bike was much better yesterday, and I kept my speed between 76-99 the whole time, even through the hills.  My goal on the treadmill was 18:00 for my mile (walking the whole time).  I put up 17:46, the same time I did last Thursday while doing a walk/jog combo.  Isn't that funny?  I can do the same time walking as I can jogging some?  Does that make sense?

My eating has gotten much better.  I'm on a stable breakfast of hard boiled eggs and a bagel, or some variation thereof.  My energy level is up, and I'm sleeping better at night.  And yesterday, for a fleeting moment, I thought I saw my double chin starting to disappear in the mirror.  Hey, I'll take it.

Tonight, we grocery shop.  Here's my list so far:

oranges
eggs
chicken breast
ground turkey
bell peppers
bagels
Tyson's grilled and ready chicken/steak
cheese
green beans
asparagus
Fage greek yogurt

Not sure what we'll get into today at the gym, but I'm going to guess it'll start with the stationary bike and treadmill again :)  I'm hoping we don't do much arm stuff because I am still sore from Monday!  Biofreeze is my new favorite thing.

In 10 days, we leave for Nag's Head for a week.  I'm coming up with my plan on how to stay on track while being away from the gym.  The beach house has a private pool, so my plan so far is to spend 30 minutes every morning swimming (or something like it... I'm not a great swimmer).  According to MyFitnessPal (add me: byrdee1985), I would burn 424 calories for 30 minutes of "leisurely swimming."  I'm down for that.  Plus, who doesn't love to jump in the pool first thing in the morning?

Weekend Recap and Monday Musings

Sorry for the lack of posting this weekend-- it's so hard to post from my iPad at home.  So let's recap:

Last Friday was our first half-day Friday at work, which is a complete perk of working for this company.  Once work was over at noon, we headed down to the gym for our last workout of the week with Ben.  He had us walk to the Riverwalk, make both loops, and walk back to the gym.  After all was said and done, we had a nice two-mile walk.

During the walk, Ben and I talked a long time about goals and past performances and nutrition.  He is very knowledgeable about food and nutrition, and he is a good listener (which helps... a lot).  I have come to the conclusion that I can't go as hard and as fast as I did before I broke my foot.  It took me months to work up to that, and I've been out of the exercise game for too long to have those things be second nature to me anymore.  So I'm dialing this experience back, and I'm starting to re-focus myself toward getting to be where I was when I gave up.  

A time when I started considering myself an athlete.

An athlete... at 200+ lbs.  I never in my life would have imagined I would be doing the things I did when I trained with Melissa.  I ran a 5k.  That was the single most inspirational moment of my life.  Looking back, I can't believe 1) I actually did it, and 2) I gave up on that dream.  I remember how it felt to realize I ran a mile without stopping (the first time being during the 5k).  And then I went another half a mile without stopping.  And I finished 3.1 miles in 56 minutes and some odd seconds on the hardest course in the area.  (Running on West Virginia hills is hard.)  I remember my family's face when I crossed the finish line, even if there was only one person behind me.  And as I sit here remember that, I'm crying.  I want that again.  So bad.  I was so disappointed in myself for so long after my accident...

But no more.  All that is behind me, and all I can do is KEEP GOING.

Ben told us to just keep active this weekend, since we didn't have any formal workout times with him for Saturday and Sunday.  So Saturday, I walked around the big festival in town, and Sunday was spent fishing with my love.  I didn't sit on the couch for hours (as I've been known to do... but I did take a 4 hour nap on Friday afternoon [and I loved every second of it]).

So we started today fresh and ready to conquer our week's worth of sweat-inducing workouts.  Today, we started 2 miles on the stationary bike, a mile on the treadmill, and then some burnout situations on arms with a shoulder and chest press.

Well, 5 minutes on the stationary bike, and I couldn't pedal anymore.  Ben says something was wrong with my bike (I sure hope so, but if not, I gave it a good fight!), so we took it "easy" on the mile treadmill walk.  He wanted us to stay within a minute of our last mile time (mine was 17:45 last Thursday).  I walked the whole time instead of doing the jog/walk combo, and I still stayed within a minute of my last time and BEAT my Wednesday time (which was 18:30).  I think I came in around 18:20 today.  I'm already seeing endurance improvement.

Then we went to shoulder and chest presses.  Either burnout or do 25 with 30lbs.  I managed 25 on each, but it wasn't without some fighting.  Ben was there the whole time, pushing me to keep going when I thought my arms were going to just jump off my body and run away claiming abuse.  But I kept hearing Melissa in the back of my head saying, "You can ALWAYS do one more!"  So I did one more.  And one more after that.  And even another after that.  Until I hit 25 on BOTH machines.

I'm having trouble functioning at the moment, but I'm alive.

On another note, I've been toying around with the idea of getting a tattoo.  First, I wanted a branch of dogwood blossoms.  Now, I think I'm going to get a single dogwood blossom with the words "keep going" with it.  Possible on the inside of my left foot (the foot I broke).  That was my motto back then, and that's my motto now, more than ever.

No matter what life throws you, keep going.

No matter what others say about you, keep going.

No matter how many minutes left on the treadmill, keep going.

Whatever you do, don't stop moving-- keep going.

Day 2: Thursday Hurtday

I have to correct something before I begin.  Yesterday, I accidentally misquoted my mile time.  So here is the truth:

5/14 Mile: 18:30

I was walking at a 3.2 pace and jogging at a 3.7 pace.

Allllllllllllrighty then!

So today I woke up refreshed and ready to start the day.  That never, and I mean NEVER, happens.  I am the type of person that dreads getting out of bed, hitting the snooze 6 times before ever putting a foot on the ground.  But not today-- I was up and ready to go, excited for my lunch-hour workout!

I really thought I'd be sore last night, but I wasn't.  I thought I'd be sore when I woke up, but I wasn't.  But as soon as I got to work, the soreness kicked in.  My booty was definitely feeling that treadmill from yesterday.  Here is what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast
McDonald's oatmeal
McDonald's fruit and yogurt parfait
----------------------->> I know, McDonald's.  Please know that today was pay day, so I'll be grocery shopping, but this was what I had.

Lunch
McDonald's grilled chicken salad with low-fat balsamic vinigarette (I know, McDonald's again.  BUT the salad was only 230 calories, and the dressing added another 70 on top of that... so I was doing well)

Dinner
baked potato
corn
grilled chicken with grilled onions and a small amount of cheese

Snacks
2 oz. fresh mozzerella
1/2 container of low fat Great Value orange creme yogurt

Even with all that, I was still about 600 calories below my calorie goal.  I don't know about that whole situation.  I think MyFitnessPal is wrong (follow me at byrdee1985), but it says I need 2,030 calories a day to lose 2lbs. a week.  That seems like a lot, but I like food, so okay.

Today, my eating is much better!

Ben, my trainer, explained to me that if you're going to eat a bagel for breakfast, the worst thing you could do was put jelly on it.  The jelly topping makes it sugar on carbs, and your body digests is so quickly that it is stored and not burned.  HOWEVER, if you top the bagel with peanut butter or cream cheese, you're topping the carb with a FAT, tricking your body into breaking it down slower and giving it more of a chance to be used for energy and less of a chance to be stored on my love handles.

Because God knows I have enough of those.

So my food diary thus far today:

Breakfast
1/2 onion bagel with 1 tbsp. whipped cream cheese
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 container low fat Great Value orange creme yogurt (you'll be seeing more of this today, since mine expires tomorrow)

REVELATION: Although my breakfast today contained less calories than my normal McDonald's breakfast, I wasn't absolutely STARVING by the time I could eat lunch today like I was yesterday.

Lunch
Wendy's BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad (no bbq glaze, no bbq ranch dressing... literally grilled chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and corn)
Marzetti's Pomegranate Vinigarette

Snacks
Gala apple (so far)

Yesterday, our workout consisted of the mile walk/jog.  18:30 yesterday with 3.2/3.7 walk/jog pace situation.  Today, our workout was the mile walk/jog again.  Ben tells us that for the first week to week and a half, we'll be doing mainly cardio just to get our legs under us and jumpstart our bodies.  He said that each day we do the mile, he wants us to aim for no more than plus/minus :30 each time, gradually improving upon our time each day.

Today, I set my pace at 3.3/3.7 walk/jog, and I completed my mile in 17:46!  I cut :44 off my time from yesterday.  I was pumped, my heart was not... but I pushed through.

Then Ben talked to me.

He said he wants to make sure I'm not trying to go too hard, too fast.  I completely understand that.  I think I just have such a hard time accepting where my physical limitations are again, because I had broken all those walls down before.  Now I have to break them all down again, and I know it takes small steps.  He's right-- I need to pace myself.

The only person I'm racing against is me.  Every unhealthy bite of food I ate or day I skipped at the gym put me one more second behind on the treadmill, one more calorie above my cut-off, and made me cry one more tear over my spiraling health.

So now, as I sit here trying to keep my leg muscles functioning (I'm REALLY sore now), I can't help but think back to July 2011 when I first started this journey.  I keep trying to remind myself that I was worse off then than I am now, no matter how much I think I'm my heaviest weight or so out-of-shape now.  I'm not.  I've been fatter, and I've been less capable.  But all that matters is I'm going to keep moving.  (Last night, I re-read all my blog entries, starting with day 1.  Not only did that serve as a good reminder of where I started, where I stopped, and where I am again, it also jogged my memory on tips that I had forgotten.  I highly recommend reading from the beginning if you're just joining me on this journey.)

Remember when I signed up for the Biggest Loser program last year?  I checked my stats to compare when I started that program v. today.  I'm happy to report I've apparently lost 9 lbs. in a year, so I'll take that.  I think that's a testimony that, even when I wasn't working out, my body was still utilizing the muscle I had built when I was to help burn what was going in.

Sidenote: I need to re-vamp my iPod.  I can't workout to concert band music, no matter how hard I try.  I need to channel my inner Melissa and get some Jay-Z happening, and soon.

Tomorrow is our first half-day Friday at work, which means my weekend should start at noon.  But my weekend will start at 1pm, just as soon as I finish my workout! :)

Day 1... Again

And this picture is what did it all.  This was taken Sunday, May 11, 2014.  Almost two years to the day from when I broke my foot and essentially gave up my fitness journey.  30 pounds heavier than that day my journey came to a screeching halt.  I saw this picture of myself, taken by my boyfriend's mom (he's standing in the back... isn't he cute?).  I'm embarrassed and sad and appalled... which is why I'm posting this.  I know that other people are embarrassed, sad, and appalled when they see me, so why didn't I realize how far I'd let myself go... again?

So this is a photo from today, Wednesday, May 14.  My first committed day back in the gym in two years.  I want nothing as badly as I want to photoshop myself in this.  I've started working with a student personal trainer, and I'm scared and excited.  He seems very genuine in wanting to help us (I'm working out with my boss) take our lives back.  I'm ready to accept that help again.

So I'm back at the blog game.  Each of you are my accountability partners.  If you were a regular reader of this blog before, you've heard this... but please, stay with me.  I'm not giving up again.

Today's mile: 18:13 (I think)