Perspective

And to think, I'm only 1/4 of the way to my goal.  Speechless...

My life is being saved, one pound at a time.  I just wish I would have realized the severity of things sooner.  But I guess it's true... it's better late than never. 

Insight!

I'm starving.  Absolutely starving.  I ate dinner AND dessert!  Turkey chili, an orange, and sugar-free jello.  That's a lot.

I started wondering, Why am I so hungry?!  So I looked at my food journal (byrdee1985 on MyFitnessPal... look me up and add me!), and I've eaten nearly 1,900 calories today!  My max is 2,100, so I didn't go over, but really, 1,900 is a LOT of food.

Then I started looking at exactly what I was eating today: chex mix, a cupcake...  really, really empty carbs, empty calories... hardly any protein.  Okay, so a lightbulb went off in my head:

Why would I waste so many calories on empty food when I could be eating so much more food, food that would STAY with me throughout the day, for the same amount of calories?  If I'm a food addict, I should be wanting to feed my face with as much as possible, right?  So why not choose the foods that are GOOD to put in your body?

Okay, so that may be a bit extreme, but to really drive my point home: On Saturday, I ate almost 500 calories less than today AND burned almost 350 off in exercise, and I wasn't starving ONCE.  Why?  Because I had good food, like egg whites, whole grains, proteins, fiber...  not refined sugar and complex carbs.  Insight, right?

Being in an environment where it's the norm to eat out at lunch or grab snacks at every turn can be... scratch that... IS hard.  I just need to start remembering that it's my choice what I put in my body, and I can either suffer now to have success later, or succumb now to suffer later.

I think I'll choose to suffer now by NOT giving in or giving up so I can succeed later by running laps around everyone on the couch.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Week 4

I know I've been so slack in updating...  Guess I haven't kept this resolution...

It's okay, because I've been putting my efforts in other areas of my life, like eating healthy and running :)

So I'm back on the Couch 2 5k program...for the third time.  I started at Week 4 this time, and I completed it tonight successfully.  I think I've finally learned how to focus enough to control my breathing.  And I think I finally learned what it felt like to "hit my stride."  That was a cool feeling.  I can now run six minutes without stopping, which is a minute improvement.

If you remember, this past Wednesday was my weigh in day.  I didn't lose (or gain) anything... again.  Two months.  Now, I weighed myself Saturday, and I lost half a pound!  I don't care if it was just that small amount-- it was something.  After 60 days of nothing, I'll take what I can get.

My mother said to me the other day, "You don't even look like the same kid."  Well, I'm adult, but I get her point.  That was nice to hear.  A lady at work told me she's noticing I'm dropping inches a lot.  I guess it's nice to know that other people are noticing...  you look at yourself so much that you don't tend to notice.

I'm taking that half pound and running, literally, with it.  Week 5, I'm comin' for ya!

Weigh Day is Way Lame

Just a quick post to update you on yesterday's weigh day.

As you can probably tell from the title of this post, it didn't go that well.  I haven't lost anymore weight.  Same weight I've been for almost two months.  At least I didn't gain anything, right?

I have, however, noticed that I've been losing inches.  This would normally be about the time I'd quit it all, but I'm not.  I've never stuck to something this long in my entire life, and I'm not about to give up.

This journey is a roller coaster, and coasting is better than climbing.

We Must Stop Meeting Like This...

...after more than a week.  It's my fault.  I didn't call or write.  I'm so sorry to leave you hanging.

Truth is, I almost quit everything.  The gym.  The healthy foods.  The blog.  The (sometimes, but usually less-than) inspiring words.  Everything.  I needed a moment to reel things in.

A week ago, I didn't leave this blog on the best terms.  I didn't think anything I was doing was working.  The numbers on the scale weren't moving; that was the most disheartening thing.  I also was weighing myself everyday (sometimes multiple times a day), which wasn't good for the soul.  If I heard someone tell me that I was "changing my body from the inside out" or "muscle weighs more than fat" one more time, I was going to scream.

I went into last Thursday's workout like a raging bull, only I was using the silent treatment on Melissa.  I was pissed and quiet, two things you never want a woman to be.  Despite the (at the time) annoying "What's wrong?" questions Melissa was throwing me, I didn't say anything.  That workout ended, and I was out the door so fast that the background was scrolling and dust clouds were flying from my feet.

I went to a hip hop class that night.  I went as a favor to a friend who was teaching it.  I didn't expect to like it, let alone LOVE it.  I was kind of re-energized after that because I saw, again, that exercise could be fun.  But it was never the "fun" factor I was worried about; I just plain thought my body was completely resistant to losing weight because of past and present tendencies.

After much pushing and proding, I finally told Melissa what was bothering me.  Just talking about it helped.  I also had my mother hide the scale.  I will now only weigh myself on pay day, which is every two weeks.  Pay Day, Weigh Day.  I like things that rhyme, so I thought this was appropriate.

The thing that really helped me get through this slump was spending some serious time in my own head.  Weight loss and exercise is, after all, a head game, right?  I had to dial this back and realize why I started this journey in July in the first place.  Was it to lose weight?  Was it for the satisfaction of seeing those number dwindle on the scale?

No.

When I stepped into Anytime Fitness, the first question I was asked was, "What is your fitness goal?"  My answer?  "To feel better."  That was it.  That was my entire goal.  I knew that if I worked out to feel better, the pounds would take care of themselves.  I didn't even step on a scale the first two and a half months I did this. 

Do I feel better?  Yes.

I really had to get back to my roots on this one.  I'm feeling re-focused and re-committed. 

Melissa said that every single client she's ever had has had this happen to them.  "I've had this conversation with every client before you, and I'll have this conversation with every client after you," she said to me.  So, I know I'm not the only one.

The main thing to remember is focus on why you were compelled to start your weight loss journey, and don't ever lose sight of that focus.  It is what was and will continue to be your strongest drive.

Rant, /Rant

I just need to rant for a minute. 

A month.

That's how long I've been on this plateau.  A month is 8 or 10 pounds I could have lost.  30 days. 

I workout out; I watch what I eat; I try to stay positive.

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but I'm obviously doing something wrong.  There are only so many times I can say to myself, "I'm changing my body from the inside out," or "Muscles weighs more than fat."  I'm to the point where being positive is really, really annoying.

I mean, I could go eat an entire pizza because I probably won't change a thing.

I think my body is resistant to losing weight.  This is why I've always been unsuccessful. 

Ok, /rant.