The Struggle Bus

I've been having a hard time lately.  With food, with exercise, with everything.  I feel like my body isn't responding because my mind is off in la-la land.

Since last Monday, my eating has been way out of whack.  I'm forgetting when to eat, when to take supps, everything.  I've had some pretty strong cravings that I haven't always been able to say no to.  Exercise is scaring me because of my breathing, and my body seems like it's falling apart.  I've lost no more weight.  I'm stuck at -16 lbs.

What is going on??

I've got to get my head in the game.  I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this.  I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this.

Thankfully, these past 2 days have been MUCH better on the nutrition front, and I have remembered when to eat and have planned carefully for my meals.  That is helping a bunch (obviously).

I hate going to the gym right now.  I dread it.

I hate putting up 4 miles on the stationary bike.  It's boring and annoying.

I've got to get my mind in the game-- who cares if 4 miles on the bike is boring, right?  It's only 15 minutes of my day.  WHY CAN'T I GET OVER THAT?!  I dread the gym everyday because of that damn stationary bike.

2 days in a row... 2 days... that I haven't been able to finish my half-mile strong.  Yesterday, I forgot my inhaler and let my mind get the best of me.  Today, I bent down to tie my shoe .3 miles of the way in and had something twist up in my back that was so painful, I started crying like a baby.

Billy got a new job and is gone 5 to 6 days a week.  I'm lonely.

I feel like life is getting the best of me, and I need to beat it.  I want to do life, not suck at it.

I'm sucking right now.

I've quit too many times, so don't worry-- I'm not quitting.  I just needed to vent.  I'm sure some of my other fitness/weight loss journey buddies can understand.

The wall to the other side is strong and mighty-- but so am I.

Keep going.