...after more than a week. It's my fault. I didn't call or write. I'm so sorry to leave you hanging.
Truth is, I almost quit everything. The gym. The healthy foods. The blog. The (sometimes, but usually less-than) inspiring words. Everything. I needed a moment to reel things in.
A week ago, I didn't leave this blog on the best terms. I didn't think anything I was doing was working. The numbers on the scale weren't moving; that was the most disheartening thing. I also was weighing myself everyday (sometimes multiple times a day), which wasn't good for the soul. If I heard someone tell me that I was "changing my body from the inside out" or "muscle weighs more than fat" one more time, I was going to scream.
I went into last Thursday's workout like a raging bull, only I was using the silent treatment on Melissa. I was pissed and quiet, two things you never want a woman to be. Despite the (at the time) annoying "What's wrong?" questions Melissa was throwing me, I didn't say anything. That workout ended, and I was out the door so fast that the background was scrolling and dust clouds were flying from my feet.
I went to a hip hop class that night. I went as a favor to a friend who was teaching it. I didn't expect to like it, let alone LOVE it. I was kind of re-energized after that because I saw, again, that exercise could be fun. But it was never the "fun" factor I was worried about; I just plain thought my body was completely resistant to losing weight because of past and present tendencies.
After much pushing and proding, I finally told Melissa what was bothering me. Just talking about it helped. I also had my mother hide the scale. I will now only weigh myself on pay day, which is every two weeks. Pay Day, Weigh Day. I like things that rhyme, so I thought this was appropriate.
The thing that really helped me get through this slump was spending some serious time in my own head. Weight loss and exercise is, after all, a head game, right? I had to dial this back and realize why I started this journey in July in the first place. Was it to lose weight? Was it for the satisfaction of seeing those number dwindle on the scale?
No.
When I stepped into Anytime Fitness, the first question I was asked was, "What is your fitness goal?" My answer? "To feel better." That was it. That was my entire goal. I knew that if I worked out to feel better, the pounds would take care of themselves. I didn't even step on a scale the first two and a half months I did this.
Do I feel better? Yes.
I really had to get back to my roots on this one. I'm feeling re-focused and re-committed.
Melissa said that every single client she's ever had has had this happen to them. "I've had this conversation with every client before you, and I'll have this conversation with every client after you," she said to me. So, I know I'm not the only one.
The main thing to remember is focus on why you were compelled to start your weight loss journey, and don't ever lose sight of that focus. It is what was and will continue to be your strongest drive.
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